After reading this question and it's answers, I've pretty much confirmed what I'd feared was true all along: I am a bad programmer.
Not by direct choice, though... The mish-mash of practices I do have are from the mish-mash of VB6 and VB.net that we were taught in school. Because we were unfortunate enough to be there in the middle of their transition, instead of learning one language fully, we learned two languages half-way. Along with it, we also learned a mish-mash or not-exactly-best practices.
Combine that with my current job where if you even try to remotely follow best practices, you will be fired ('Test environment? What's that? Just upload it to the server and go!', 'You spend too much time and attention to detail. Just get the thing made ASAP so we can move on!'), and learning from experience on the job is just not an option. Heck, one time I just mentioned the word "plan" at a discussion on what to do to get started on the next project, and I was on their shitlist for months. Had to watch my back and make sure not to deviate from their idea of work, for when I did I was literally screamed at in the middle of the office. I was to be fired before a coworker calmed the boss down.
All of this culminates to one very important point. I am going to have to pick up best practices on my own in order to get out of this place. Only problem is, though I've seen many programmers complain that others don't follow them, I've not seen anyplace to go to learn best practices, either. So my question is this: How does one go about learning these things?!