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Good evening, I got some uncertainties and need some advise or any experiences 'story' from you guys. The question is quite straight forward but I gonna clarify somethings in details.

My Background

I just graduated from my university 6 months ago. Being offer from 4 companies after I go through some interviews. Now I'm working on a banking services company, everything is consider 'ok' except I had a genius team lead which does not share enough information to let me do a task/work.

Situation faced

In my team, there is a "ask to know" culture. When you are going to guess or try some methods to solve the problems, I need to ask to make sure I do not do something stupid and when I asked my team lead...There're only 2 situations,

1st: I being given a strange look like: "do you know what are you do/said just now? Just follow the standards, I do not care!" (Felt humiliated)

2nd: Get the answer but my team lead suddenly in bad moods, I think thats I have waste her time for some simple questions which I do not know.


My team lead is really a clever and a smart senior developers/programmers, sometimes she will brief through the tasks while sometimes not. Depend on her moods. There certain times I am look-down on myself and felt want to quit/resign. I'm still under-probation and had joined this company for around 4 months. I felt like I do not have the innovation skills which I used to had in university and lose my self-confidence when communicate to others.

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closed as off-topic by gnat, Kramii, glenatron, ChrisF Oct 24 '13 at 10:02

  • This question does not appear to be about software development within the scope defined in the help center.
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Usually, team leaders who don't share do so because this is their only source of power, in lack of natural authority. –  mouviciel Oct 24 '13 at 8:37
This question appears to be off-topic because it is a better fit for Workplace.SE, where it would likely be closed as a duplicate of How do I deal with a reluctance to consult with others? –  gnat Oct 24 '13 at 8:39
ok, I will delete it then... sorry for the post, in wrong place... –  薛源少 Oct 24 '13 at 8:52
a piece of advice, as a developer you need to develop thick skin. Put aside your ego and try to don't read the look (not easy) and get the information that matters. If you survive/succeed in that environment, you can be sure sky is the limit. And don't forget to play in your favor! –  husker Oct 24 '13 at 9:37

2 Answers 2

up vote 5 down vote accepted

Well, from your description is sounds like either you ask ridiculously obvious questions, or your team lead does not possess the necessary people skills and patience required to manage other people, clever as she may be.

As your question is written well and communicates all relevant information concisely, I would assume the latter is the case.

I think the most obvious course of action is to request a private conversation with your team lead, explaining how her reactions make you feel, and what effect they have on your confidence, and as a result, your work. I find that these sort of people don't always realize the effects of their behavior on their employees until confronted with honesty.

You should make sure that this conversation is scheduled in advance, is done in a quiet and private location, and that her full attention is given to you, and not as a casual 'by the way...'.

This suggestion is of course made without knowing you, her, the cultural norms of your work place, or even those of your country. It just sounds to me like a reasonable thing to do.

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Ya, thanks for the recommendation... but currently, I will make that as a final approach... because it may determine my "death/ alive" terms in the following days on the team... –  薛源少 Oct 24 '13 at 8:23
+1 Team lead may also feel overworked & stressed, and get irritable at interruptions. They may not have realised that if they can manage you better, making a little more time to brief you, you can be more effective and get work done yourself rather than the team lead doing it, which should reduce the stress on the team lead. It can take a while for a lead to learn the lessons about effective delegating. –  MarkJ Oct 24 '13 at 10:54

I recommend you that when you don't know something, as now, use the web, as you have done now. When you go to ask to your 'leader' or kind of smart people who doesn't want anyone or at least you to disturbe him/her, ask this to the web. Before asking to the web, make search on to the web for an answer.

This method has worked fine for me. I don't have a boss who doesn't want people to disturbe him/her, but when I don't know how to do something or I face something new or some technique or some language or whatever new, I go to the web to look for an answer or to get a short course on.

So it is clear, or seems to me, your boss, leader or whatever is a person who doesn't want to have contact with you or wants set it to a minimum.

Ok, so maybe you have to stop asking him or her and start doing things by your own, if this is possible, with the method I have told you. If you do any mistake it doesn't matters, with mistakes we learn, and at least you would have done something apart from being a dirty cloth to this man/woman known or named as a 'leader' or 'smarter person'.

It looks like this reaction/behaviour of him/her towards you creates somehow a kind of dependence wich make you feel you cannot do things for yourself and you need continuously ask to that person.

Try to get away him/her out of your mind. Try to put some revel reaction into your body. Try to think he/she doesn't like you and will keep disliking you if you persist trying him/her to like you or you persist in your humiliation.

This is a war. You must have a little bit of this mentality. She/he is an asshole so you will face him/she and you will do your job by yourself. Do it!!!

pd:or if you have partners, as it seems to me when you refer to a team, try asking sometimes a partner. Try to change your mind from down to top to down to yourself or down to down. Changes are possible and a full and complete change will not be gotten in a first try, but you must try things to get a chance for a change. Don't thing it's impossible.

pd2:of course all of this is a try to help you, but you must analyse if this applies to your case or not and do the smarter thing. but what it seems for sure it is you have a problem and you must find a way to solve it (as you are trying, it's obvious) because with the line of action till now it's not good. So a change seems need to be done or had. What change it is your work to find. I have tried to give you some clues it looks like to me could be that change. I agree with you this kind of conversation suggested by answer one will be the end of your contractual relation. If you want to be quited from this job, do it. But if not, this is the last thing you must do. Is what he or she expects you to do. It would be some kind of weakness. You must not be weak.

pd3: the last recommendation it is to keep you calm and with a little bit of resignation do your job the best you can, share with your partners when you can, and your boss it's like this, you will not change him/her. Try to pass this the best way possible and that's all. Maybe look for another job...

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this post is rather hard to read (wall of text). Would you mind editing it into a better shape? –  gnat Oct 24 '13 at 8:40
haha, there are some of us (newbie) facing the same problems... The only comments I heard from them was: "bare with it..." –  薛源少 Oct 24 '13 at 8:43
well, so in this case try to bare with it toguether with your partners. Try to enjoy your work, try to learn with it, etc... ok, nice to see you. good luck and bye. –  roger Oct 24 '13 at 8:49

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