In short, it may simply be that you’ve helped to establish a pattern that the rest of the team is simply following. You will have to first figure out why the behavior is occurring and then how to best assert yourself to change the behavior. Without understanding why, you may overreact and have the situation blow up in your face.
Assertiveness: Keep in mind the take-no-shit subset of “Strong Black Women” (smaller subset, not entire race, relax). By this I mean, we’ve all met people who have the ability to let others know very quickly what boundaries exist. “I don’t discuss my personal life.”, “Don’t talk down to me.”, “Don’t yell at me.”, etc. The boundaries are different for different people. Some people are better than others at conveying acceptable behavior. Those who send out mixed messages, while still often victims, are in large part responsible for the situations they find themselves.
The key here is those who establish how they expect to be treated when they meet people, avoid much of the type of problems you’re indicating. Also, trying to retrain others when they’ve established the patterns of how they treat you is far more problematic.
I find it helpful to publically acknowledge that I am letting something slide or allowing a behavior because I’m new. Something as subtle as, “I appreciate you being overly thorough while I’m new.”, or “Get your digs in on the new guy while you can.” all help establish that in the future this behavior won’t be as tolerated. It also, in my experience, helps me avoid having to have a meeting asking their permission to be treated like an adult. Instead of having a meeting and asking them to treat me differently, I simply inform them of my changed status (not new guy) and then the burden is on them to justify why they feel they can continue the behavior.
Not being assertive can lead to becoming the villain or even worse, becoming shark bait. Some groups need a villain and if no villain exists, they must invent one. They band around destroying that person and then once that person is gone, they have to find the new villain. Another version of this is the group killing off those people viewed as being too weak (shark bait). This most of us saw in schools, where the most weak were constantly attacked, often by those almost as weak (at least you beat up someone).
All in all, for better advice we’d need more details along the line of:
Have you often failed their ‘tests’?
Was there a probationary period?
Are other workers overseeing your efforts?
Do other workers evaluate you?
Are you perceived as inexperienced (are they perceived as wise and grizzled)?
What’s the size of the team?
Does the manager hire and fire, or simply recommend?
Is the manager approachable?
Often you can discourage others by making them do more work (don’t make it easy for them to continue the behavior). Make it take effort for others to be a jerk to you, even if that effort is only that they have to ask you about it again at a later point. “We can talk about that later.”, “Not now, I’m thinking about another problem.”, “Ask me after my coffee.”, etc.
Talk is cheap. I used to be quite active in a non-profit organization. One where people constantly wanted to provide input during events, but one where those same people rarely, if ever, wanted to work implement their ideas. By far the easiest method to stop this behavior was about 10 little words. Sounds great! “Please, write up that idea and send it to me.” The great majority of the time the person never followed though. ‘Put it in writing’ actually became a joke within the management team.
Many managers feel overwhelmed. They have too many problems--too many monkeys--on their backs. All too often, they say, they find themselves running out of time while their subordinates are running out of work. Such is the common phenomenon described by the late William Oncken, Jr., and Donald L. Wass in this 1974 HBR classic. They tell the engaging story of an overburdened manager who has unwittingly taken on all of his subordinates' problems. If, for example, an employee has a problem and the manager says, "Let me think about that and get back to you," the monkey has just leaped from the subordinate's back to the manager's. This article describes how the manager can delegate effectively to keep most monkeys on the subordinate's back.
One takeaway from this is to be constantly aware of those who are out to either dump their work (monkies) on you, or simply to increase your workload unreasonably. When they approach you to give you a monkey, either refuse the monkey, exchange the monkey, or some such, but you have to make it so they consciously realized you’re not their free monkey day care, else they’ll just continue to dump (monkies) on you.